i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
