I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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