my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
