I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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