how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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