I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
