I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
