What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
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My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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