as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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