If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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