i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
