so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
