ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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