Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
