he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
