ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
