I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
