never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
