guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
