i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
