I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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