Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
