Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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