I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
