haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
