i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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