Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
