you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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