Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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