you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it hurts more in the daytime
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I believe in your delicious
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
