I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
