Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
