Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
