They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I understand Curling. That high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
