chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
