You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
