Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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