Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
