She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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