Me too!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
