Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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