it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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