She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
