I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
