Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
