Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im holly from the hills drunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
