So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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