Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
