at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
