I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
