I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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