i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
