So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
