he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.