It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
