I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
