i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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