Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
