Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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