You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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