I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
