I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
