He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
