I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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