Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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