It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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