Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
