I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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