Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
