I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
