We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
