i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
