Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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