hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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