i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
