Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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