Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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