called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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