Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
