The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
