The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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