She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
