I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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