Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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